Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
