dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
