can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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