I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
