Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
