Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
