Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
