I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have already put on my inside pants.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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