im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
