Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
