Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
