Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
