farters have to be the big spoon...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
