it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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