He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
