the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
