i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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