There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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