so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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