How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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