I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
