The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
