I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
