You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
