I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
