Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
