If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
