i may or may not be watching the land before time
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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