the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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