both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
