Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
