waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
