Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
