Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
