You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
