got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
