Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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