Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
