tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
