Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Panties = found
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
