Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We left the knife in your bed.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
