He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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