Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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