Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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