She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
