this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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