so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
