After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
