Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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