My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
