So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
