how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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