Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
